GinaBoBina

Not okay.

SPOILER alert. This is an update to my previous post about the book The Fault In Our Stars. If you intend to read it & care anything about it or the ending, you need to stop reading this.

I am in a state of shock..
I just finished my book & I’m heartbroken. In the beginning of this book you automatically assume Hazel Grace is going to die of her cancer diagnosis, she basically says it on the second page. She has to use machines at night to help her breathe as well as carry an oxygen tank around every day, all day to assist her. Without it, her lungs burn and hurt, and she struggles to breathe. One day (I’m going to skip a lot of details) she meets a boy named Augustus, who she eventually falls in love with. Some years ago he was diagnosed with cancer & had to have one of his legs partially amputated, after which he was declared cancer free. I love everything about their relationship. They’re silly, genuine, and adorable. They never really argue, they have some disagreements, but they never fight about them. Anyway.. they become best friends & date knowing that one day Hazel is going to become ill and die; they talk about it, and it’s kind of sad, but it’s just part of their relationship. I think something is even mentioned that Augustus is going write a eulogy & speak at her funeral. So they take a trip (like I said, I’m skipping a lot of details) & a couple of times it seems like Augustus is in pain, but he doesn’t say anything about it (you already know where I’m going with this already don’t you??) and one night he sits Hazel down and breaks the news to her - his cancer is back… and it’s everywhere. And there’s a lot more to the book, but basically for the last two hours I’ve held back tears as I read the journey of Augustus’s death, his painful, emotionally exhausting death. But even though it was terribly sad, it was honestly one of the greatest books I’ve ever read. (Side note: I was surprised, but the end of the book does not end with Hazel dying too, which I was a little happier about.) I can’t tell you how beautifully this book is written unless you read it for yourself. It’s hard to explain, so I just won’t. It was great. Sad & Great. I almost want to read it again right now..

Okay.

I am reading one great freaking book. The Fault In Our Stars. It’s about a girl, Hazel Grace, with terminal cancer, but it’s not super serious, the book I mean.. I mean, the book is downright hilarious. And, of course, she meets a boy (who also had cancer, but is free of it now) who she starts to fall in love with. It’s weird because I understand so much of what she’s going through though (except for the being terminal thing.. which is also why I didn’t want to post this on my other tumblr. I’d feel weird talking about things like ‘being terminal’ & death’ & I feel like a lot less people read this, I’d like to keep it that way.) There are just little things that I relate to more easily. I don’t know if every cancer patient feels the same & that’s why I resonate so deeply with her character, or if we’re just really similar & I can just relate. I even feel silly saying this, but I feel like I wouldn’t like this book as much if I didn’t have cancer. Don’t get me wrong - it’s a great story, but I don’t know.. I just like it.

The only thing I do not like is the fact that she’s terminal. She’s knows she’s going to die at some point; treatment is not a cure, it’s just a process to prolong her life. I don’t like it, not because I’m mad at the author or I think it’s a flaw in the book, but because I feel like I have a relationship with this person & I know the further I get into the book, the closer I am to her death & it makes me sad. It makes me sad to the point where closing it makes me want to cry. God, even if there’s a happy moment, I catch myself wanting to cry because I know it’s all going to end soon. I don’t know if that’s what the author intended, or if he wants for the reader to be happy when Hazel is happy & just enjoy it while it lasts. Haha.. uhh, if you can’t tell.. I’m super into this book.. like I said.. I don’t know what it is about it, but I’m hooked. I think a lot of it is that I see myself in her. We joke the same way & think the same way on a lot of things - even her boyfriend (I’m not sure I’d call him that yet, I’m not done with the book) reminds me an awful lot of Chris in the way he acts and handles things. (There’s one conversation in the book where they’re discussing if there’s an afterlife: “I think forever is an incorrect concept,” I answered. He smirked. “You’re an incorrect concept.” - Who does that sounds like :p I literally laughed out loud at this point & I have at many points.. I genuinely think it’s funny!) I think if you read into it, there’s also a lot to get out of this book that doesn’t come straight out & tell you, which I LOVE. I think there is a lot of symbolism & metaphors (some do come out right & tell you) that you can take & run with to figure out what they mean.

I started to type this and now I have no idea where to go with it..haha.. sooooo yeah. Great book.